Furnace of the Gods

I hope you’ve had enough time to contemplate the many thought-provoking and ground-breaking points I make in my analysis for Fool's Gold (would a vacuum cleaner attached to a label maker make a sufficient flame-thrower substitute?  Are we in some kind of time-warping Futurama crossover?  Seriously, what’s with all the Stalin images?  (honestly, I should release study notes)), but it is now imperative we move on to the next level, mainly because I am desperate to play Tomb Raider III but still have three levels of this game to get through.

It may seem that I’m not particularly enjoying The Golden Mask, and that’s partly because I haven’t been, but hopefully that is going to change from here on out; Furnace of the Gods, once it got going, was a fairly pleasant and visually varied level.  Also, some of it reminded me of Atlantis – the good Atlantis, not the one in Unfinished Business.

 

The start of the level, apparently.  At least, it’s the first image that appears in my FRAPS folder.  It’s been so long since I began this level that I personally can’t remember.

 

Continuing through a gauntlet of poorly-lit spike traps leads us to this massive, slightly-superiorly-lit room.

 

Hey, the wolves from Tomb Raider I are back!  It certainly makes a change from a never-ending wave of artic felines.

 

…her head and feet are pointing in opposite directions.  This picture makes my neck hurt.

 

Betwixt frolicking wolves and lazy skeletons, you might a-spy the titular Golden Mask.  Yes, we’ve found it already!  So we can turn round and go home and play Tomb Raider III now, right Lara?  Right?

 

The ice-ghost men from the first level appear again, posing as translucent statues.

 

Upon collecting the mask, they burst into life, as viewed from this rather dramatic camera angle.  It took several seconds of running around (Lara) and screaming (me) before I realised they were apathetic.

 

There’s the mask, for anyone that wants a closer look.  Why does it have skin-flaps where the eyes should be?  *shudder*

 

The Furnace (or wherever we are) is awash with ugly faces carved into things.  This one looks like a Shinigami…

 

…and here we what can only be the result of an illicit romance between a troll doll and a decaying tree.

 

The next section of the level largely revolves around what I mistakenly assumed to be a river of liquid gold.

 

Turns out it’s just a load of fancily-coloured liquid fire-death.

 

This part in particular reminded me of Natla’s Mines.  Substitute the gold for Lava and it’s almost like you’re in a classic Tomb Raider level (just joking, TR2G!  Don’t get angry and send me back to The Cold War, now!)

 

I have never seen her do that with her guns before.  That’s awesome!  It’s almost on par with kicking an eagle in the face.

I came across the following wall-paintings whilst traversing the river.  Bear with me while I try to translate.

It’s fun to stay at the Y…M..C…A!

 

Some poser Polar Bear commits the blasphemous act of free-styling to the song’s chorus and is justifiably condemned by the Giant Golden Face of Acceptable Dance Routines.

 

For his crimes, Polar Bear is thrown into a pit of fire, which apparently turns him into a giant ice-cube.  THAT’S NOT HOW FIRE WORKS.

 

Golden Face is momentarily appeased, until he notices the dancer to his left making decidedly un-C-like arm-motions…

 

In the end, however, it’s Polar Bear that has the last laugh, as he defiantly parades round his little ice-cave, throwing completely non-alphabetical shapes to his heart’s content.

 

For those of you that found it difficult to follow my train of thought for those last few pictures, please enjoy these images of Lara looking drunk instead.

 

What is it with this game and ending levels with seemingly-endless pits?

 

Does anybody actually go to the trouble of correctly descending a ladder in Tomb Raider, or do you all do as I do and simply let her fall down, pressingly Action occasionally to try and stop her breaking her neck?

 

Lara leaning provocatively against a wall.  “Hi there.”

 

Another Atlantis-esque moment.  I suppose this level is an improvement on Atlantis in that there are no centaurs.

 

We end the level in a cage, guarded by a pair of eskimo whalers (?).  We’ve spent this whole level travelling downwards, and yet somehow we’ve emerged into a place with some sky.  I’m not complaining, the sky has yet to lose its novelty in this series.

 

Just ignore the secrets part, okay?