Opera House

I entered the Opera House with a vague sense of foreboding, not because I thought something bad was going to happen but because I was pretty sure I was going to spend the next hour of gameplay bored out of my skull.

I really don’t know where I got such a negative impression of Opera House from.  I mean, it’s no Venice but it’s still a fairly decent level, and very pretty too.  And, as we all should have established by now, I’m greatly appeased by pretty things.

I have been trying to keep everybody up-to-date with the plot (or, at least, my interpretation of the plot) and from this post forward I shall be using italics for my recaps, mainly to jazz things up a bit and so that I don’t keep having to starting paragraphs with “So, …”

Lara has stormed through Bartoli’s hideout, killing thugs and upsetting chandeliers, and now finds herself at the entrance of an old opera house.  Could Marco be inside?

 

The start of the level, which involves coming out of a dark tunnel (for once).

 

Most of the environmental traps in the opera house are thanks to the building be in a state of disrepair (rubble, sandbags, etc.).  However, I cannot work out the justification for large boxes that can magically swing themselves from side-to-side.  And it’s not like there are just a couple of rogue ones, these things are everywhere.

Also, I notice that night has fallen while we were sliding down that tunnel at the start  How long was that tunnel?! It was only about 4pm when we went in.

 

Marco Bartoli’s father, Gianni Bartoli, who bears a striking resemblance to Harry Houdini, if Houdini decided to adopt a fairly lazy Satan disguise.

 

I was going to mock this carpet, but then I realised that actually, I quite like it.  And Lara has apparently decided it’s the perfect place to do a bit of yoga.

 

I just love this picture because it looks like she’s trying to give that crate a really awkward cuddle.

 

Hey, all that yoga practice really paid off!

 

The eponymous opera house.  I see the architects made the bold decision to replace the orchestra pit with a swimming pool.  That’s dedication to experimental theatre right there.

 

Lara and this fellow spent a long time watching each other from afar, because apparently bullets can’t travel more than ten feet.

It was actually quite romantic, until I got close enough to shoot him.

 

All these mirrors are smashed in exactly the same way.  I suspect a conspiracy.  That, or a lazy texturer.

 

Screw the Rocky Horror Picture Show, this is the best kind of audience participation.

 

Once again, Lara must rely on her magic knuckles to open some doors.  Here she is giving them a quick pep talk. “Time to make it worth my while contracting metal poisoning from eating that key!”

 

One of the puzzles on this level works on the assumption I have even a single clue as to what the hell a “relay box” is.  Bad move.

 

Standing between Lara and the exit of the opera house is the mini-boss, Giant Revolver Guy (to give him his official name).

 

Heading out to Marco’s seaplane, one can catch a glimpse of fair Venezia at night.  Then, one can wonder who the hell that woman is on the side of Marco’s seaplane, who looks as though she escaped from Duke Nukem 3D.

 

On the seaplane, we’re treated to a cut-scene (yay for cut-scenes!).  This is about the only exciting moment in it.

Having snuck onto the seaplane, Lara eavesdrops on a conversation between Marco Bartoli and his pilot, Fabio. Fabio has some (fairly reasonable) doubts concerning Marco’s plan to go raiding the sea for an artefact his father, Gianni, may or may not have been carrying when he died.  Marco responds by punching Fabio in the stomach (while Fabio is still driving the plane, I might add), and then gives a little speech about how awesome he (Marco) is and how he’s destined for greatness.

Lara is spotted by Marco as he leaves the cockpit and is quickly knocked out by a cultist (Eros).

Yeah, I’ve given up on my plan to get all the secrets.

Bartoli’s Hideout

In Bartoli’s Hideout, we must bid a tearful farewell to both our trusty speedboat and any nostalgic anecdotes I might have about that time when I was ten.  My earliest recollection of playing this level was as a savvy fifteen-year-old, who could easily tell the difference between “textures” and “doors” and whose idea of a good Saturday night was playing Tomb Raider II avec flight patch and harpooning confused-looking enemies while Lara hovered over the rooftops. 

The fifteen-year-old me also possessed the ability to complete a level in under seven months (although she probably resorted to a walkthrough at one point), and so, playing this time around, I was pleasantly surprised to learn that I don’t have every single enemy, corridor and graphical irregularity committed to memory.

So, having sped through the canals of Venice (and leaving a trail of dead henchmen in her wake), Lara manages to stumble upon Bartoli’s hideout and sets about looking for the man himself.

 

The beginning of the level, and that old Tomb Raider staple of “starting in a corridor” is back in full swing.  This is also the end of the line for the speedboat.

 

The grand entrance to Bartoli’s little getaway, last seen on that goon’s laptop back in China.

 

Included inside Bartoli’s hideout is the gauntlet of knights with really big swords.  I don’t know whether to make a Freudian analysis or a dick joke, so I’ll do neither.

 

Looks like there was a sale on at Ugly Velvet Leopard-Print Wallpapers ‘R’ Us.  What a shame Lara didn’t bring her hideous old carpet with her; together, she and Bartoli' could have decorated a room fit for the ninth layer of hell.

 

Synchronised death isn’t limited to rats and velociraptors.  These guys look like they’re in some kind of Nazi-themed acrobatic dance troupe.  Which, who knows, maybe they are?  It’s not like Lara attempts to interview them before gunning them down.

 

The moveable blocks in Tomb Raider II are a lot less horrifying that those in the first game, but what they lack in presence, they make up for in subtlety.  It’s a good job I remembered this part of the level, else I probably would still be stuck in this room now.  Well, no, I would have looked at a walkthrough long before that, but you know what I mean.

 

I knew it could only be a matter of time before the fire trap reared its ugly head.  This time, edging past while consuming medipacks does absolutely no good; Lara catches on fire if she gets within several feet of the flames and doesn’t stop losing health until you throw her into some water.  I actually had to use logic and timing on this puzzle.  I know.  I was sickened too.

 

This is the chandelier room, which is the latest victim in Marco Bartoli’s obsessive love of hideous wall coverings.  That cheerful yellow print doesn’t stand a chance against the onslaught of fuzz.

 

Hidden in the depths of Bartoli’s mansion is the world’s most inconveniently-located library.  Now, I don’t know any library that would tolerate open books and dead bodies littering the floor.  I was given a dirty look today just for dropping a book onto the returns counter from a slightly higher position that was necessary.

 

It’s pretty 3D model time!  I don’t know what this is, exactly, but I plan for my future garden to hold a replica one.

 

Bizarrely, Bartoli’s Hideout gives Lara the opportunity to demolish a house.  Destroying the house isn’t actually required to complete the level, but it’s a fair bet that if Lara likes shooting things, she’ll like blowing up things even more.  I’m surprised you don’t get a health boost for doing this.

 

Why must everywhere Lara travels to include so many dark, foreboding tunnels?

 

And that’s the end of the level.  Yes, I know I only got two secrets; by the time I looked up remembered how to get to the silver dragon, I was already too far into the level to go back to it.  Still, the prize is only shotgun shells, and I only resort to using the shotgun in the unlikely event that the pistols run out of ammo.

Venice

As a ten-year-old, whenever I grew weary of bouncing around the mountain caves of Peru, attempting to find the superbly-camouflaged (!) lever, I would fire up my demo of Tomb Raider II and have a go running around Venice instead.  I fared no better here, mainly because I didn’t know how to smash windows and was unaware that Lara could do a running jump.

It didn’t really bother me.  I loved Venice.  I was convinced that, on the other side of every door and window, there was an Italian family getting on with their daily lives.  I’d spend my time running into house-textured walls, hoping it would somehow trigger these people to come out and talk to me, maybe to offer me a nice meal or shout at me for stealing their speedboat.  Obviously, that never happened, but it amused me for a great deal longer than it should have.  As with most things in life, my childish wonder was eventually replaced by dreary, illusion-crushing knowledge, but, for its brief enigma, Venice will always hold a place in my heart.

So, having found a picture of Venice on a goon’s laptop and deciding that that’s a good a reason as any to give it a visit, Lara lands in Via Caravelli and has herself a little sight-seeing tour.

 

Lara begins in a small alleyway between buildings.  I once had a dream she managed to get over that wire fence behind here, and found herself on a beach surrounded by coconut-shooting elephants.  I don’t think that’s what’s really there, though.

 

The human enemies in Tomb Raider II are far more numerous than they are in the first game and and are less likely to a) greet you with a one-liner or b) threaten to shove something up your arse.

 

Compare this to a screenshot from Caves and ask yourself why I spent more time here.

 

After all these years, I can still remember the the trapdoor trick*.  That’s right, I couldn’t do a running jump or figure out that glass+bullets=broken window, but I managed complicated jumping tricks with ease.

*If I’m the first person to document this particular trick, I’d like it to be named ‘The Perusing Pixels Trapdoor Trick’ and receive a hefty sum of any profits made from its use.

 

Leopard-print walls.  Hmm.  I thought the Italians were supposed to have natural style, or is that just an unhelpful stereotype?  I like how they look like they’d be fuzzy if you could touch them.  That’s some clever texturing.

 

The human enemies are far too difficult!  And they dress stupidly too.

 

Finally, Lara unlocks the speedboat, which goes very fast and makes a “harrumph" noise every time you try and turn it around.

 

The speedboat has no time for lesser boats, such as gondolas.

 

The speedboat doesn’t limit itself to such banalities as “only being able to travel on water”.

 

Gravity is for gondolas.  Surprise airborne speedboat death!

 

A group of sea mines managed to knock the wind out of the speedboat’s sails.  Talk about a health and safety hazard.  Why not throw a few sharks in while they’re there?

 

A washing line!  There must be people living here!  Good, simple folk with colourful clothing and a dangerous taste in pond ornaments.

 

Hahahaha.

 

Laugh all you want, this still looks better than ragdoll physics.

 

And that’s the end of the level.  I remember being dismayed in City of Vilcabamba that I had to use a medipack.  This time, I was surprised that I managed to use so little.