The Hive

Finally!  FINALLY! 

I’m not saying Tomb Raider Gold was a waste of time.  It wasn’t.  But nevertheless, I’m glad it’s over.

Right, on to The Hive, which had the decency to be slightly more entertaining than the last level.  It’s also crammed to bursting point with Atlanteans and left me few chances to take pictures, so I’ve padded this post out with images of Lara doing awesome stuff.

 

Here we have – yes, you’ve guessed it – the start of the level.

 

A chess board and a plethora of boulders that really don’t understand the rules of the game.

 

No caption, I just thought it was a cool picture.

 

Lara attempts to duck and fails.  Keep trying, girl.

 

Again, no caption, just a cool picture.

 

A rare close-up of Lara’s angry shooting face.

 

Hahaha, stupid centaur.

 

Apparently killing Lara isn’t as important as laughing at whatever the hell is over there.

 

This Atlantean attempts to chew Lara’s angry shooting expression straight off her face.  Thank God for graphical limitations.

 

Although I was thankful it was static, it’s really not pleasant to round a corner and collide head-first with an Atlantean’s arse.

 

There were about sixteen Atlanteans in this room; luckily, not one of them had the ability to jump short heights and get to Lara’s slightly raised position.  Yeah, nice master race, Natla.

 

As eggs explode into golden confetti around her, Lara slides down to the exit.

 

:D :D :D :D :D

Tomb Raider II, here I come!

Atlantean Stronghold

I don’t know why I found Atlantean Stronghold so boring.  The level design was nice enough.  There were some fairly interesting buildings.  Still, I spent a good seven eighths of my time there wishing I wasn’t there, and hoping each doorway I ran through would trigger the end of the level.

 

So, we’re back to Atlantis, everybody’s favourite fleshy nightmare.

 

Atlantean construction materials still consist largely of glass and muscle tissue, it would appear.

 

One of the interesting buildings in the stronghold.  It looks like someone built a house in the style of a four-year-old’s drawing, and then knocked it on it’s side.

 

The same building extends though the ground into this room, which has those giant golden eggs Atlanteans like to develop in.

 

They’ll never be as scary as panther mummies.

 

Here are just three of the sixteen million levers featured in this level.  There are levers for everything here - opening doors, unleashing monsters - hell, there’s probably one for turning the whole place into a seventies-themed nightclub.

 

I mean, these underwater levers are as close to leopard-print as the game's graphical capabilities could get.

 

As I said, some levers unleashed Atlanteans, but it wasn’t like there were warning signs around the ones that did.

 

Here’s another picture of the building from earlier, but from a different angle.  I’m really running out of good screenshots.

 

Diving down this tunnel was the best five seconds of the whole affair.

 

Have they finally updated the horrifying decor?…no, it’s just the graphics card playing up.

 

I have never been so happy to see the final stats.

Although it’s highly unlikely, I nevertheless hope you enjoyed reading about this level more than I enjoyed playing it.  Only one more to go before I can begin my beloved Tomb Raider II…

The Great Pyramid

We’ve made it!  The final level.  It’s a relatively short one, but packs everything in; bosses, puzzles, trap gauntlets and killing things.  It’s one of those levels that makes you glad you’re playing the “save anywhere you want” PC version rather than on the PlayStation.

The start of the level.  There’s no gentle easing into the boss fight here; you’re just chucked down directly in front of the Abomination (I’m not being unkind, that’s actually its name).

Getting too close to it results in being repeatedly bashed on the ground and swung about like a rag doll.  It’s really not pleasant to watch, especially as Lara tends to get her angry shooting expression stuck on her face, which, from far away, looks like she’s screaming.

The overly-dramatic death of the Abomination is rivalled only by the crocodiles.  Seriously, it took about ten minutes of flailing about and looking anguished before he finally exploded.

Back into the womb, oh what joy.

Sooner or later, Lara comes back to the Scion.  You can’t pick it up (which just sucks) so you’re forced to shoot it.

Shooting the Scion results an earthquake and a plethora of special effects.  The shaking screen suggests it’s time to leave.

I seriously do not know how anybody playing on a PlayStation would have the patience to finish this level.  There are only four save-game crystals according to Stella’s walkthrough, which is about six hundred less crystals than there are ways to die.

Oh look, another fire trap, a la Palace Midas.  Too bad I never learnt how to get past it.

Your exit from the fleshy part of Atlantis also serves as some kind of grotesque visual birth metaphor.  At least, that’s what I thought it was.  I can’t be the only one.

Oh, look, Natla’s back!  And now she can fly.  Still has ugly shoes, though.

A few rounds of Uzi bullets later and Natla finally falls to the ground, dead.

…okay, maybe not quite so dead.  What the hell? (what the hell, what the hell, what the hell?)

This time she’s definitely dead.  Probably.

Her job finally complete, Lara slides out of Atlantis.

Woo!  The end!  I underestimated myself when I predicted a 2014 finish date.

When the hell did this bit happen?!

As I stated before, this is indeed the end of the game.  But the end of the blog?  No chance.  There’s still a big heap of Tomb Raider out there to play, and we’ve still got at least four good games to get through.

Atlantis

Ah, Atlantis.  As terrifying as it is disgusting.  If nothing else, this level serves to assure us that the lost island is actually better off not being found, really.  Judging by the texturing used in this level, Atlantis is what happened when a giant, independent womb crashes into the desert.  I hope I’ve painted a pleasant picture for you, there; believe me, you need to be prepared.


Oh, run down this dark and foreboding corridor?  Haha, yeah, I don’t think so.


Oh, well, now you’ve turned the light on…


The first pick-up is some Uzi clips, which I took as a subtle suggestion that maybe I should upgrade from the magnums.


Pretty much half of Atlantis consists of these nests filled with golden eggs and revolving umbilical cords.


Apparently, the two main materials using in Atlantean architecture was glass and flesh.


I was surprised to learn that lava has the same consistency as sand, but hey, I was rubbish at geography.


Jesus could walk on water; Lara can dance on water.


A common sight in Atlantis.  Click on the image to enjoy the fleshy walls in all their pulsating glory.


Behold, the magical boulder!  Not only can it travel up hill, it also has the ability to defy gravity by stopping mid-roll.


One of the more picturesque landmarks in Atlantis; a bridge made out of sinew and muscle.  I’m so glad I didn’t play this level straight after lunch.


When a level starts handing out ammo and medipacks like they’re candy, you know something bad is coming.


Lara accidently interrupts the annual deadly trap convention.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!


It’s okay, it’s just Bacon Lara, Lara’s Atlantean doppelgänger, who mirrors Lara’s every move.  For once, I’m kind of glad Crystal Dynamics changed her look in Underworld.


Bacon Lara ends up falling into a lava pit.  The horrifying thing is, she’s not dead; her head moves when Lara’s does.  I’m not surprised she gets pissed off and ends up blowing up Croft Manor.


Lara realises she’s starving hungry and tries to remember when she last ate.


From the knees down, you could be forgiven for thinking Natla was a ninety-year-old grandmother.  In fact, you can almost feel the disapproval her old-woman shoes have for her low-cut top.


Unable to resist any longer, Natla flings herself at Lara.  Unfortunately for NudeRaider fans, Lara’s not interested.


Natla looks almost serene as she falls to her fiery death.


Lara attempts to “swim” across the floor.  I used to do the same thing.  When I was six.


The end!  One level to go!